Thursday, May 27, 2010

On Death & Dying

Each culture has its own practices, rituals and beliefs regarding death.  Many of them are essentially the same notion of something else beyond this earthly realm to which we move after we have departed our physical bodies.  In many Native American cultures this is referred to as "walking on", "walking through the Western Door" or "Westing."  I believe that there is more, that when a person dies, that their spirit walks through that Western Door to a better place.  I believe that there are reunions of those who have been separated.  I believe that the spirits of two-leggeds, four leggeds, one leggeds and no-leggeds all inhabit that place. I believe that being now only spiritual essence, that there is no more pain or handicap... that each beautiful soul is restored to its purest state and is as one with their Creator. I believe all of this, will all that I am.  But I also grieve at times... like today.  How does that work?  Well I guess in these moments I am in a selfish place, I need the people who I don't have the same kind of access to any more.  The loss of my Mom was devastating, I need to talk to her, I need her lessons and her wit and her way of cutting through the bullshit.  I need that... as part of my day.  When Cindy walked on, an incredible void was left behind in my life. She was a kind and compassionate person of very deep faith, who lived with great integrity. She looked her death in the eye and ultimately left it in the hands of her Creator. 

I know, that death, is a part of the circle of our lives.  It is part of the medicine wheel teachings... but I still have trouble with people who have lived honestly and with compassion for their fellow humans... suffering like that.

Dammit I MISS her! I miss her laugh, I miss her smile, I miss her voice... she always knew when I needed to hear from her... and the phone would ring.  That was a two-way street with us... we were always tuned in to each other's frequency. The hurt I feel today... is a selfish thing I guess, for I know Cindy is just fine, but I'm just NOT. I will never ever make sense of her experience.  I do not understand why she had to suffer as she did, and why she had to die as she did, when she did.  It is number one on my questions for God whenever I have the opportunity.  I KNOW we are not supposed to ask such things... but ya know that whole "where were you when I created the earth" thing just does NOT help me to understand.


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