Recently I was at an event at an independent senior living
community. A group of local churches, and other organizations, lend support in
a variety of ways to this vibrant community. The event included a worship service;
my friend Carrie shared a message, which included a reflection on cairn
building.
Listening to that message inspired me to build a healing cairn. During this message, Carrie stepped into the
stream with me, handed me the first
rock, saying:
“trust me, it will be – amazing!”
Before I wade farther into the stream, a bit of background
on cairn building seems appropriate. Cairn building has become a popular
activity recently, but the history of intentional rock stacking is ancient.
People have stacked rocks forever. Cairns can be found on the Tibetan Plateau, on
the Inca road in the Andes, on the Mongolian steppe, series of cairns cross
deserts on three continents. The Inuit people of the North American artic
construct stone monuments called Inuksuk, these human shaped rock structures have
been built for thousands of years. Cairns of all kinds have been erected and
strategically placed for navigation, as spiritual offerings, or as remembrances.
Intentional heaps of stone occur in almost every landscape that has loose rock.
Carrie talked about some of the ways in which the building
of cairns is amazing. “When you balance rocks on one another, its an incredible
experience because you can suddenly FEEL when the balance has been achieved.
You know it - you can feel it!” As I was listening, I traveled on the stream of
her words, to the stream where I would build my cairn; I saw a clear image in
my mind of this taking place. My words here will call the folks who will be
helpers in manipulating specific emotional / spiritual rocks with the intention
of balancing – seeking that harmonic congruence.
Much like Carrie said, Spirit is always pushing me to look
into myself, my heart, my desires, my motivations, sometimes it takes the hand
of our Divine Beloved on my chin to gently turn my face toward the mirror. If I
can be honest in these moments – I can ask myself “what are you DOING Lynn? How
in the world, does this (the “this” of the moment) align, with who you were
created to be, with who you are Called
to be? In some of those moments, the answer is “it doesn’t… not even a little
bit!”
I believe there is one path, which is experienced in vastly
different ways by different cultures. We all walk, dance, scoot, crawl, and
stumble our way along this path. It is the path to Spirit, to the Holy Love in the Center of
All That Is. I experience this journey as a search for those moments of
congruence, that agreement between my lived experience and what Spirit wants of
me. Those moments of congruence, might be called moments of balance, harmony or
holiness. Moments that every speck of me exalts "YES!"
Congruence is a state of agreement, when you are physically
building a cairn with rocks, when you place one rock atop another, there is
that moment of which Carrie spoke when you feel the congruence happen, there is
a shift from instability to harmonic congruence between the rocks – a moment
when they agree to support each other and the whole structure in this way.
When I am out of balance, when my cairn goes all wobbly, and
falls into the stream with a horrifying ker-splash… then I have two choices,
scamper upstream and just look at the dragonflies – pretending that my cairn
has not just fallen into ruin… and/or that it doesn’t matter - or examine the
thing that has just happened – figure out why, mobilize the folks I need to
help, do the heavy lifting, and pray them back into balance. So what I’m doing here is recalling the words
I heard in a different sermon, in which my pastor said, “remember, there is as
much Grace in the stumbling as there is in running swiftly.” I offer prayers of
gratitude for THAT, and I get to work.
What are the things that knock us out of that state of harmony
and holiness, out of balance? For me at least, its so much easier if I can
think that what puts me out of balance comes from outside of me – all of the
crazy out of control factors out THERE!. Our culture has infused us with the
habit of mind of looking elsewhere for the cause, the source, who is to blame for us being off balance – and to
avoid looking in the mirror. It’s so much easier, when I don’t have to look inside
myself… if I can just get rid of these things [wild gestures to something way
over there]… everything will be
alright. You know, if I can just get rid of that stuff, I can find that balance
– achieve that state of holiness and harmony again. Many teachings point to the
giant flaw in all of that, the truth being that my state of disequilibrium, my
inability to build my cairn, isn’t about what’s out there, what other people
do, think, feel, or bring, its about what is happening within my own heart – my
own spirit.
To do this work, to build a cairn that is testament to my
spiritually infused Isness, the resiliency of my spirit, my ability to hold the
tension of things that make no sense, things that break my heart, things that
make me angry, or leave me feeling inadequate, a cairn that stands as reminder
of who I am – I will need some help. This is community project f’realz. I’ll need a few helpers along the
banks, y’all can cheer me on, sing your traditional songs, chant, tap out a
rhythm, or splash your toesies in the cool water… but some of y’all are gunna have
to get your happy asses in the water with me – to help with the heavy lifting.
Carrie was good enough to hand me this first rock. It is
lovely, amber coloured, big, solid – and definitely a two-person rock. As we stand ankle deep in the water and settle
it solidly on the riverbed, four hands shift it side to side, to let it hunker
down good and solid. This rock stands for my past and the tenuous peace I have
made with it. I am the person I am, partly because of my experiences. It will
never be okay that I experienced the horrors that I have. However, being a
survivor has equipped me to be fully present with folks going through or reliving
trauma, to offer an ear and a shoulder, scope out resources, help pick a path
through the gnarly undergrowth, or “go all Southside” whatever Spirit asks of
me in that situation. Thanks friend, for the good solid start here. I wander
upstream, feeling for rocks. It’s not so much of seeing the right rock for this
spiritual cairn, but of feeling it.
The next rock, is rather blue/burgundy with a vein of quartz
running diagonally across its face, as soon as my foot touched it, I felt the
energy there and knew it to be the next piece. I worked quite a little bit to
pull it free from the riverbed. This rock is much more than meets the eye on
first glance. I finally heft it out of the stream, as crawdads skitter away
from underneath. I feel the dual nature of this solid piece of the Earth
element. This is a Two Spirit Rock if ever one existed. The thin vein of quartz
that twists across the rock’s flat edge, is not a solid line, but dashed. Delineating
a distinction, but not a barrier between the two aspects that coexist therein. A team of Ninjas - scampered from the banks unseen (hello - Ninjas) and were zipping around as this rock was approached and identified - and lifted from the water. Arriving at my foundation rock, I say prayers of gratitude for this aspect of
me, this next component of my cairn (and for my Ninjas). Setting the Two Spirit rock atop the first
one, I gently scoot it around letting the rocks get to know each other, and ask
them to tell me, where their fulcrum of congruence lies. Oh! There, slightly
off center, is the balance point they have agreed upon. Two essential pieces,
past and identity are in harmony. [Note: My way of representing this rock draws from an actual rock I lifted from Mother Ocean].
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My spouse has been exploring the banks, and calls me over.
“Honey! check this out” she says, and points to an exquisite rock with many colors and
splotches. "whaddya think?" Flakes of mica catch the light like tiny mirrors, reflecting the
dappled sunlight. Together we lift the relationship rock in place and working
as one, find that spot of alignment, of sacred agreement and the rock stands
shining waiting to see what comes next.
The next rock was so surprising, wide and sturdy, looking
remarkably like a turtle tucked into its shell. This one called to me, and
commanded attention, insisting I pick it up. This is the rock of my Call – shaped
like a turtle, a symbol of Creator, this rock, nearly laid herself on the
cairn, the pull to the place of congruence was magnetic, unquestioned, solid.
Alright… you over there – swatting and cursing at the “cloud
of a million gnats” and pointing at a rock – roll up those dockers, and come over
and help me - wouldja?! This one, is ours to
manage. Initially we work in lovely companionship, taking this rock whose
oddball shape, and wild colours drew your attention, and I eagerly agreed on this choice. We
talk and we laugh as we look for the sweet spot, that balancing place, and
suddenly, all I see is a retreating form. In my distraction I feel the full weight of the rock in my hands, the rock slips, slices my hand as I try to prevent the
dislodging, it bashes my knee a good one as it splashes into the stream. So
many points of focus at once, on the unbelievable sight of the departure, on my
throbbing knee, on the drops of blood swirling into the stream. Initially, I
just cry, and massage my hurt places – but before long – I’m also angry. I
shout up the riverbed - “Hey! You said you were in this for keeps - you said…
“no matter what!” My voice trails off and in the silence that follows, I
realize I have to do it myself… the best I have is what I learned of rock
lifting from this amazing guy - there's been much learning from this fabulous creature who sparkles with what I’ll call holiness – and
pray like crazy that I can find the place of congruence in all of THIS, and
hope I haven’t seen the last of this unique person from whom I’ve learned
so much, this person, I recognized on sight, this person I love dearly. I take some calming breaths as I hold in one
hand the gift of having that in my life for a time, and the hurt and anger over
this stupid gaping hole in the other. I get the bless-ed rock to into its place
of harmony with the others, but feel so off-balance inside. I just keep
looking at it – hurting and angry and bruised, muttering. There’s a hole, in
this work I am doing now, and a vacancy on my team of healers that is shaped in
a very particular way, and that… friends and neighbors – sucks.
I thank our Divine Beloved for this interesting piece I am
putting at the top of this particular cairn. It is singularly beautiful in its
defiance of the expected, one hardly ever sees a rock that is shaped like this,
not chiseled or shaped by people hands, but by its very nature it is formed
defiantly different. I am grateful for the solidity of this one’s shape, for
the heft of it, and for the way that even though the rock beneath is so
differently contoured in comparison, it seems eager to find balance with its
peer. Somehow the contours of this rock, fit my scraped up hand – and paired
like that… we get the job done. I offer grateful prayers for the presence and companionship of this one. After the crazy effort and emotion of the
previous rockwork, finding and settling this one in place with such ease and
comfort, helps achieve that harmonic balance, of which this whole cairn was to
be the embodiment.
As I stand and look at the water swirling around this piece,
one of many cairns I am to build… I feel a sense of peace that no matter what
actions or emotions played into the placement of any one rock… the whole is
supported by the harmony, the congruence, the agreement to coexist, that the
constituent pieces have achieved.
I love and embrace each piece of this work; I see the
outrageous beauty of each rock – and the beauty in the unbelievable agreement
at which they have arrived. I see the rocks that have scraped me. I see the
ones that are healing stones. I must believe in the integrity of the whole – or
this living work of harmonic holiness will splash into the stream, denying that
harmony amoung such diversity is even possible.
I believe in the radical power of Spirit to guide me as I
build cairns to serve as monuments, spiritual markers, and guideposts on my
bold journey towards Grace. I believe that it WILL be amazing – every time. I
believe that each moment of balance – is holy. I believe that no matter what…
when I am battered and bruised and collapse to the ground – I’ll receive
comfort and encouragement, and when the voice says “now get up” – I will get
up, and resume the work I have been Called to do.
~ Aho ~
P.S : There are so many cairns to be built... but this work is a solid beginning. Alive, aware, and motivated - the work continues.
